Emotional Commitment

Few situations in life may be as challenging and overwhelming as coping with infertility. It may affect nearly every aspect of your life. For this reason, it may help to create a plan to help guide you through the ups and downs of trying to conceive. If you'd like someone to talk to about coping, call Fertility LifeLines™ at 1-866-LETS-TRY (1-866-538-7879). All calls are free and confidential.

Here are some emotional concerns that many couples or individuals encounter along the way. Not all people will go through all four of these phases.

1. Realizing and acknowledging your situation.

If you don't conceive shortly after trying on your own, you may feel disappointed and begin to wonder if you'll ever have children. For some couples, these feelings may cause them to deny the possibility of a fertility problem and not take action.

Sometimes partners may not experience the same feelings at the same time, or in the same way. For example, one partner may feel the need to see a healthcare provider, while the other may need convincing. At this point, feelings of anger, denial, guilt, blame, self–pity and jealousy may begin to emerge.

Coping with these feelings.

It may help to talk with others who have had difficulty conceiving. If nothing else, their experiences may help you realize that you're not alone. Try to keep the lines of communication open with your partner. Supporting each other can go a long way towards reducing stress.

It may help to see a healthcare provider. The earlier a problem is identified, the sooner your physician can recommend a treatment program that's right for you.

2. Undergoing evaluation and diagnosis.

Seeing a healthcare provider and taking action is a positive step forward. At the same time, the tests may make you feel uncomfortable. Some patients may feel like they're losing control as the "treatment takes over their lives."

Even though infertility is a medical condition, it's not uncommon for patients to feel shame or embarrassment about their difficulties. They may try to isolate themselves from friends and family.

Coping with these feelings.

It may help to learn as much as you can about fertility problems and their treatments. In terms of your relationship, providing mutual emotional support may alleviate some of the stress.

3. Undergoing fertility treatment.

During treatment, many couples may feel like they're riding an emotional roller coaster — moving from hope at the start of treatment, to disappointment if a cycle fails. Patients who undergo multiple treatments may feel as if their lives are being dominated by fertility issues.

Coping with these feelings.

Try not to lose sight that this is not a personal failure. It can be helpful just to talk with someone in addition to your friends and family. Patient support groups can put you in touch with people going through the same things that you're going through.

4. Coming to resolution if the treatments aren't successful.

If treatments aren't successful, you may wish to investigate other options, such as adoption or living child–free. This is a personal decision and each person or couple handles it differently.

• Infertility: The Emotional Roller Coaster (540 KB)
• My Fertility Planning Guide (135 KB)